Pain....and Life

I hate it when my body refuses to do what it needs to do without lots of pain.

I have fibromyalgia, and if you believe one of the doctors I seen, I also have SLE Lupus (I say it like that because my GP says I'd be "a lot worse off" if I did have it...and some tests say I do and some tests say I don't...whatever...the only thing doctors seem to agree upon collectively is charging a whole lot of money for their opinions). Most of the time....95% of the time in fact...I do GREAT. Woo hoo and praise God. But sometimes I am in serious pain and can't move well...but I still praise God though sometimes it takes me longer ;)

Sometimes I just cry out to God...He hasn't taken the pain away but He usually helps me deal with it. I know I feel better when I exercise gently but when I am flared there doesn't seem to be gentle enough. I know I feel worse if I see the doctor and hear all of his quitter talk "just take these muscle relaxers, these antidpressants, and I won't beleive you if you tell me you feel worse"...(ok, maybe not that bad but soemtimes it seems like that...all of the docs I've seen have this attitude). When did something like prozac become a cure all?? Most of the drugs they've put me on over the years only seem to cause me to gain weight or feel worse, and the ones that make me feel good usually turn me into a zombie which is also pointless. I also try to eat healthy, as much as I am able, and can afford.

Lately I've been crying out again and trying to figure out if I needed to quit some things that I Felt God had directed me to be invovled in..this is especially frustrating for me as my love language is "acts of service" and I hate it when I can't serve...and I also find that if I am laying around waiting to be served by those who love me I get easily discouraged with life...I feel like I am where God wants me but sometimes I wonder and second guess, especially when the pain goes about a 5 on the pain scale. (that's the one where the little dude looks like this: :| ) Most people I know in real life think either don't know I am sick (maybe they all think I'm lazy LOL)...or they think maybe I need to listen to the doctor and take happy pills (and turn into a 500 pound completely useless sofa spud as a result). Sometimes I wonder if they are right.

But then we had a guest speaker at church last week that was a real encourager to me. His name is Bro. John Bishop and he was a pastor when he developed meningitis and lost everything...his wife had to reteach him everything, how to talk, how to read, how to walk, who she was, what it meant to be married (she has acts of service as her love language I bet :-)). He is amazing to listen to, so I strongly recommend you go to his website...www.godissogood.net

Anyway, he said something that I really felt like...THANK GOD someone else who is crazy like me....especially given the fact that this guy is probably in way more pain than I am in, and has all sorts of other "health issues"...he said that he takes things that help him to function but he doesn't just take meds to feel good because he's here to serve (that is probably a very bad paraphrase but that is what I have in my notebook)...and that if things are going to take the pain away but make it so that he can't function, he deals with the pain.

He said so many other really great things Wednesday night...he was preaching on Ps. 37:8, "taste and see that the Lord is good..." it was awesome.

I need that reminder, especially today when I finally went to the chiropractor (now that we have health insurance) only to find that the co-pay for going to the chiropractor is only $3 less than the cost of going without insurance. WHAT ON EARTH??? (I have a few unkind thoughts and words for health insurance companies!). The irony was that if we didnt' pay for health insurance we'd be able to afford to go. LOL