Please Release Me, Let Me Go...

What is it with companies being unwilling to let go?

Back in February, I got a notice from my Merchant Account (Which allowed me to accept credit cards on my website), letting me know my fees were going to nearly double because I wasn't doing enough business. Of course, one would think that if you are not doing enough business, you probably can't afford to pay extra fees...but i digress. For a few months there, I paid more in merchant account fees than I actually earned with my website, which is certainly not good. I finally called them up to cancel my account.

Well, with my account was also a payment gateway (that enabled me to not see anyone's credit card numbers when they bought something, and overall made my storefront a bit more secure), costing x amount of dollars per month...and the merchant account people assured me, when I asked, that they would also contact the payment gateway and let them know that I am no longer in their services.

the next month came, and went, and I was again charged some crazy amount for both of these services. I called them both, complained to both, and was told by each of them that it was the last payment. In April the SAME THING happened, and I decided to put a stop payment on them withdrawing any more money from my account. In May I was turned over to some collections agency for non payment, even though each time I call them they assure me that this is for sure the last payment I'd make and that it only ahppens to be because of the day of the month I canceled and probably something to do with a full moon and which way the wind was blowing I would imagine...and that my account is now, for sure, canceled.

I called the payment gateway, after once more getting another threatening letter telling me I had to pay, only to be on hold for 20 minutes, followed by the following conversation:

ME: I am calling because you are again sending me bills.

Customer Service Rep (CSR): Yes, you are in collections, so will that be Visa, MasterCharge, or EFT?

ME: None of the above. I called last month and was told my account was closed.

CSR: We can reopen it for you for a $25 fee, plus the amount you are delinquent...

ME: No, see, I want it closed. I closed it on purpose to avoid further charges.

CSR then repeats the exact same line I heard last time that due to the day of the month the notice to cancel was received, my account is still active, and therefore I was charged, blah, blah, blah.

ME: Look, when I spoke to Steven last month he gave me the same song and dance. I want to cancel, and I want confirmation that I have canceled, and I don't want to be charged money I don't actually have ever again for a service I haven't used since February, plus some weird service charge for who knows what.

CSR: yes, well the surcharge was due to inactivity...

ME: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH *I* *CANCELED* *MY* *ACCOUNT*!!!!!!! THAT Is why it is inactive. I spoke to a Steven on April 11th...

CSR: I'm sorry, Ma'am, we don't have a Steven working in our call center, and we have no record of you calling...

ME: WHAT?!?! (keep in mind, I write down this stuff all the time...I took notes from the call)

The next few minutes are spent trying to convince him that I really did call, and really did talk to someone whose name is either Steven or something similar that I didn't quite get.

I finally had to call my merchant account to tell them to fax notice of when I called to originally cancel my account (Back in Feb). This they did, but only after I had to convince them that I did in fact want it to remain cancelled, and that my calling today was in no way an indicator that I wanted them to withdraw another arbitrary amount from my account. LOL

Stay tuned....will they charge me next month? Will the loan sharks come to boot my van for the $30 I owe them for a service I canceled four months ago? Will I ever be able to cancel my merchant account? Tune in next month for another exciting adventure...