Being There

Well, as promised, I'm continuing that thought about the blessings of motherhood and the value as moms.

You know, as moms, we have a lot of pull in our children's lives. We are the first people in their lives that help them to really feel worth by spending time with them, and taking an interest in them, and encouraging them with our words and actions. It is so important that children feel loved, wanted, and appreciated!! Sometimes I wonder how children of people who have the attitude of "I don't want anything to hurt my career/I want to feel fulfilled" feel inside when they hear their moms saying things like that.

I understand when some women do need to work out of the home, and I think that when your child knows that there is a need and that you would much rather be rolling on the floor playing with him than working, that makes all the difference in the world.

I've read some other blogs about this topic (re: that article by Ms. Hirschman), and I noticed both in blogs and in comments that the argument was made that having the mom home was not always the best thing, and giving some really awful example....and sure, that happens, but that doesn't mean the problem is with staying home with your children, but with that individual choosing to be miserable at home, or choosing to be physically present but emotionally checked out.

It's not enough to just be there in the home day in and day out...but actually being there emotionally too. Sometimes we can be so focused on other things that our children don't get a whole lot of our attention even when they are the only other human being in our house with us all day long--it's easy to do some days when life is happening all around--but it shouldn't be the habit of our lives. Letting a child feel important to you means stopping what you are doing, turning around, and looking them in the eye, and really listening to what they are saying. Maybe playing a game with them or playing with their toys with them...giving them your undivided attention. IF you are home all day long but spending that time on the computer, or on the phone, or watching the soaps, you might as well put your child in daycare and get a job.

The neat thing about really engaging your children is that you get to relive some of your own childhood. It is just too fun to draw with chalks all over the driveway on a lazy summer day, or make a snowman on a snowy day, or to share a pussy-willow catkin with your little one. Have you sat down and built a tower with blocks or colored a picture in a while? Ok, mine are getting older so they are not so into some of those things...now when we build a tower it is a competition to see how tall we can get it without it falling...and now my little artists get into mommy's watercolors and H2Oils and Prismacolor pencils...but it is just as important (maybe moreso) to show attention to our older children.

My teen daughter, Ruth, tends to need me right after church on Wednesday, when she sits and shares her heart about what God is showing her and what happened in youth group, and so forth, and I treasure that time. I've found that many times she comes in and sits next to me and doesn't say a thing on some days, and I have learned that it is a cue to just hang out and talk--and I am just praising God I have a 14 year old that still wants to talk to her mom...but I really believe that part of the reason is that the foundation was laid when she was a baby and toddler, and I shared my passions with her and listening intently as she shared her heart even at 2...was it silly nonsense to me at the time? Yeah, most of it wasn't totally coherent, and when it was, it was a lot of life changing stuff like, "My baby doll says that the dog ate her toy" and sometimes even more nonsensical things... but, I tried (though sometimes failed) to make sure that she knew I was interested in hearing what she had to say.It's not easy when you have little ones to have them chattering your ear off all day long. I do remember saying "OK! Can we all be quiet for just five minutes, please?!?" (Ruth interjects---"More than a few times, but we probably deserved it"). But on a whole, there was at least one long moment in our day when we spent time together, without anything else distracting me from them.

It's a blessing to me to have that great relationship right now with all of my children. They are each different in their own way, but at the same time they all needed to know I valued them, and their thoughts, and their presence in my life.

We have the power to help our children to feel loved and valued as part of a team--our family. It takes time, and means sometimes putting down something to give them our undivided attention each day.